Oh Boy... or This Can't be Good

Well, it turns out that my relaying of what Ryan said about Jay's social got back to him. I woke up this morning to find the following in my inbox:

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well, well, well

i'd like to start this e-mail be saying, "you are an asshole."
thank you for relaying everything i said about jay's impending
social the thursday before, to him, and absolutely everybody else in
attendance, making me look like an inflated prick. that was pleasant
of you. 1) i didn't think jay's social would be good, Ian's
response: Ryan doesn't want to attend because you throw a shitty
social. thanks for that 2) i didn't think jay knew the right people
Ian's response: Jay is a loser with no social life. thanks again. 3)
i don't think it will be a good "social"type crowd. Ian's response:
Ryan is too cool for this crowd - implicated.

well, that's about it. if you reply back, you better have one
helluva good excuse for making me look and sound like a complete
dipshit. fuck u very much.

RM

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This is what I sent back to him:

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first of all, whoever told you that those words were what I said gave you some slight mis-information. Here is EXACTLY what I said to Jay, Tyler, Dave, Lee, Matt, and Kostas. Those were the people I told the story to. I said: "I was talking to Ryan last night to see if he was coming and he said 'someone with no social life has no idea how to put on a good social, why would I go to that? It won't be any good because no one (the social crowd) will show up.' Now my memory of the brief conversation we had says that those were pretty much EXACT quotes. Does that make you out to be a prick? Well yes it does. Was I saying to everyone "hey Ryan is a prick and thinks he is too cool for this social" no I was saying '"Ryan has no tact." I think that you might be startled to hear this but all those people expect things like that to come out of your mouth. No one was shocked to hear that, in fact, Matt and Kostas said that you ruled for saying that and that it was suprisingly clever of you. The only people who were upset were Jay and Tyler who you don't exactly hang out with anyway. and Jay being upset is like the sun shining, it happens pretty much every single day. I wouldn't worry too much about any of it.
second of all, don't turn this on me, I'm not the one who said that to begin with. If you want to say jerk-ish things to people without asking that they NOT be relayed, expect that to happen. Was I running around telling everyone what you said, no, I was telling it to people who were asking if you were showing up. You actually DID show up, so the people who got angry were happy enough soon after.
third of all I consider you a friend and all, but sometimes you DO act like you are better than us. ESPECIALLY when the conversation turns to girls or "social lives." It's hard to think of a night when you DIDN'T say something "prickish" about not having a girlfriend or similar such nonsense. Now I don't usually get bothered by comments like that for the most part, I more get bothered by the fact that, most people have moved beyond that sort of thing being the NORM of conversation except you and Stobart. It's like hanging out with high school kids sometimes. Again, it tends to be frustrating more than annoying, because when you're not being a "jock" you are a good friend to hang around. I will have you know that I am constantly defending you to everyone and that INCLUDES Matt and Kostas when they say something derogatory about you. I am not going to open that can of worms here and will only do so if asked.

I think this whole situation is indicitive of the brand of friendship that exists with the Matt, Kostas, Niziol, Jon, Rob group. Pretty much everyone there is VERY quick to bash other people or mis-interpret remarks said/relay things said out of context, or feel the need to constantly bring up old stories from the past to put someone down, etc. Truthfully I have pretty much given up on ever getting the majority of them to "grow up" and start acting like something other than vindictive jerks who need to inflate themselves above others. I think that what needs to happen is a serious group talk about the underlying issues that seem to be present in each of their minds about others. Now I am not trying to say that I am somehow better than them or anything, because lord knows I too slip into that mode sometimes. But the difference is, I see that as a problem and do my best to avoid it. I don't embrace it. I don't want to stop being friends with them or anything, I just want the group to evolve to something better than what it is. To do that, it's going to take a serious sit down and sharing of feelings, which will not happen with those guys in their current forms. That is part of the reason why I don't hang out with them nearly as much as I did in the past. It is just not worth it anymore.

To conclude this email (if you've continued on this far) if you were damaged in some way by the people that I told about your feelings than I'm sorry. (I am not responsible for THOSE people telling others by the way.) My intentions were not to "hurt" you, but to point out how the expectations (including mine, Jay's and Tyler's) for the social were SUPER low but it turned out pretty good in the end. I would also like to re-iterate the fact that of the people I told, only Jay and Tyler were mad but not surprised by what you said. Matt and Kostas thought it was funny and gave you props for saying that.

I am fully willing to discuss this more if you want

Ian

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Is this going to fuck up the friendship? We'll just have to wait and see I guess...