Why am I here again or Emo to the MAX

So I returned to a job that I had originally quit. I was gone for about a year then was asked to come back as my replacement was leaving. At the time, Greyhound was seemingly drying up with the threats to shut down and hours being cut back, so I decided that it was in my best interest to have a job and money coming in. We were also buying a house, which tends to cost a wee bit o' bread. My mom was constantly on my case about working at Greyhound saying things like "You didn't go to University to work there all your life did you?" My mom can sometimes nag, but I don't think she means anything malicious by it, she just thinks that she is being helpful. Part of the problem is that Greyhound pays much better than my job in the film industry. Well, not so much IN the film industry as working in a support capacity FOR the film industry. This is quite possibly the shittiest thing to do, as the film industry is the biggest pile of bullshit, filled with self important douchebags, waste of everyone's time and money that there is. I work with people, not in my office mind you, but the kinds of people that I have to help, that are full of their own crapulence in a way not thought possible before having met them. These people, and it tends to be the ones who AREN'T huge and haven't done a lot of movies, seem to think that they are better than everyone, that they deserve all whims catered to, that they are doing work so important that everyone should fall at their knees, and that their piece of shit movie is going to be huge. Probably 95% of what I do never goes anywhere, as funding falls apart and the movies never get made. That tends to give one a cynical attitude towards the task that one does. So when I get a script on my desk that is crap, but the producers/directors want some very specific type of location or look and this type of place probably does not exist anywhere but in the imaginations of the writers, and know that I am in for a shitty day. Manitoba is a huge province and there is no way that we could have photos of every location here, nor is there any way that I could have knowledge of every place here. In fact, I have only been to so many towns/parks/beaches/etc. so anything else is all from google or others. When someone demands that we find them a incredibly specific place and I am told to bend over and take it up the pooper for them only to have the project never happen, I tend to feel like my efforts are not only in vain, but futile and ultimately pointless. And to think that I used to feel that way at Greyhound. Hey, at least there I could say that after a days work I had sent X number of packages or passengers on their way. At least I had that. Here I have NOTHING. I spend X number of hours and receive Y amount of shit from people only to have all that work evaporate into a void of nothingness. I'd like to AT LEAST be able to say that the time I spent here on earth had some kind of purpose and outcome. Even sitting at home doing "nothing" has more of an output as I am in fact either recharging batteries, thinking deep thoughts, or doing any number of minor things that need doing around a house. But when I drive around or spend a jillion hours looking for some kind of location that may or may not exist only to have the rude and entitled people who asked for that location disappear back into the ether from whence they came and never emit a whisper about their "amazing" script again, I get discouraged.
When I was here originally, this got so bad that I would have minor "attacks" not panic or anything, just a feeling of dread and dispair at having to go to work, before getting out of bed. So many times I just wanted to stay at home and not go in to work. I finally got the courage to walk away from the steady paycheck and all was well. But then flach forward and here I am back. It's all deja vu.
There are other reasons why I am unhappy where I work, but I will get into those another time. Suffice to say that I must escape soon. I had planned on sucking it up until March when I could take Paternity leave, but that seems so far away. The only problem with leaving would be the huge hit financially I would take if I did take Pat leave. That means having to continue my 7 days a week working schedule (both jobs) for 9 more months. That effectivly means my entire 30th year of my life will have been spent working 7 days a week (minus the odd holiday here and there) in one job I hate and one that is fairly menial. When I look back, is that the memory I want to have of this time period? I would assume that the memory of becomming a dad would be in there somewhere, possibly at the forefront, but who can say. Maybe this is what they mean when they talk about the sacrifices you have to make when you have a kid to support. Did my dad work in a place he hated just to put food on the table? God I hope not, that is so depressing to think of. I must find an escape soon or I shall go mad! Well not really, just more and more, not depressed, but close to that.
This all makes me sound so emo doesn't it. At least I have a job you know? I could be on the street, living in some third world country or dead. So I have that going on. I just didn't think that this was where I would be in my life at 30. Not that I had some clear picture of where I would be mind you, I just knew it wouldn't be here. What would be nice would be if I could sell a/multiple script(s). Surely that would solve my problems. Come on universe, Make it happen!
Sorry for the ramblings, but it helps to just type and not let relfection hold back your thoughts....