Chronicles of the Silly or Before and After: Part 1

Today I'm going to do a little experiment. I am going to chronicle my thoughts on a subject before and after I find out what is actually going on. The subject is my current status with Terena and the event that I am writing before and after is a phone call to her. This stems from the little party that she had last night. Now I am fully aware that I am possibly getting all worked up over nothing and may end up looking stupid, but when has that ever stopped me before!
Ok here goes... so I guess the place to start is with the fact that I was looking forward to last night as a chance to really see what the situation that I was in with her exactly was. I figured that being around all her friends and with her drunk, would be a good way to gauge what she thought about me... if she was "close" than maybe there was some hope. I thought that the whole lack of inhibitions thing would be a good way to find out the "truth." With that in mind, I decided to try my hand at baking some cookies for her, as she had done for me. Expecting disaster, I was pleasantly surprised when they turned out pretty alright. I made banana-chocolate chip cookies from a recipe book I found in the drawer. Despite the slight hiccups of not knowing what the hell sifting flour was (I feel stupid), needing to buy more shortening, and making the first batch of cookies in dinosauric proportions, I did good work! They ended up being tasty and stuff. With that out of the way, I went off to work. An uneventful and easy shift that allowed me to start to read "Affluenza: The All-Consuming epidemic" followed with much relaxing and rejoicing. That left nothing to do but pick up Jay, get changed, and head out to Headingly. Man, to show you how silly and lame I am, I decided to wear this zip-up sweater thingy that my previous girlfriend gave to me (because I apparently look hot in it) but as I was putting it on, I remembered that the last time I went to a party wearing it in the hopes that a certain girl might notice, I was disappointed. I thought it might be bad luck. Then I thought that I was being an idiot so I wore it anyway... turns out it IS bad luck! Caught ya off guard there eh???
So ANYway... Jay and I head out to the party, not having too much difficulty in finding the place, only to discover that no one was there! They were still at the Headingly bar. So off we went. Not expecting much, we were pleasantly surprised to find a pretty awesome blues band jamming there. So the backing music was good at least. Walking in there, being greeted by Terena with a big hug (she does that to everyone though) and handing over my cookies (which prompted another hug) all seemed ok. I was kinda hoping for a kiss hello, but not receiving one is not too big a deal. Jay and I grabbed an empty table beside Terena and her friends table. She came over and sat on my arm rest and briefly started to talk to me. Then something caught her eye (another friend) to which she said "I'll be right back" and ran off. For the rest of the time there, she never came back. She was moving around and talking to other people. The aforementioned twinge tried to rear its ugly head, but I subdued it. Not getting to speak to her was kind of a bummer, but I figured that there would be more time later at the house portion of the evening. After a time, everyone adjourned to her place.
The situation didn't really "improve" all that much there either. I barely got to say two sentences to her the whole time. Thinking about why this bothered me, I think that it is another symptom of that stupid twinge. "She should be talking to ME" or something. I did manage to suppress/deal with other instances of it over the course of the night though... Anyway, Jay did not seem to be having all that much fun there, so we took off around 2am. While on the subject of Jay, I have noticed that whenever I go to a party with him, I end up staying with him the whole night, as he really hates most people. If I were to leave him alone, then he would have NO fun, so I feel like I need to amuse him. This tends to put a damper on any other plans I might have, as he is not the most approachable person in the world to others. But whatever, Jay is one of my best friends. Back to the story... the only time I really got to say much of anything to Terena was as we were leaving. I asked her if she wanted to get together Sunday or Monday (I have both days off). She said that she was doing something with Lize Monday and was cleaning the house Sunday. I offered to help her clean to which she responded with something along the line of "I made the mess, it's my responsibility to clean it up" to which I added "but I WANT to help." This was my (I thought) not so subtle way of saying that I wanted to be with her... I guess it was too subtle... She said just to call her Sunday... which leaves us at the whole point of this long winded post. I don't know where I stand with her at this point in time. We hung out a fair bit the past week and a half and had progressed to the kissing stage. I thought that was a good sign. That's why I figured that at the party there might have been a further evolving. To find a DEvolving made me question whether or not what we had done meant anything at all... I tend to be pretty guarded with my feelings so I don't usually let myself get excited about stuff like this to avoid having my hopes come crashing down (which has happened in the past) but this time I think I let myself get a little too excited. I blame that on the fact that Terena is so damn fun to be around and talk to. If we didn't seem to "click" so well, I wouldn't have let my hopes get so high. Where I stand right now is: I want/need to know what exactly she thinks of me and where (if anywhere) this is going. I am expecting perhaps that she will just want to remain friends, which while still cool, kinda sucks. Just being able to be around her is great, but so would being in a relationship. FUCK. I tend to do stuff like this a lot... get all worked up thinking about something so much that I get tied up on little things only to find out that they are not as big as I made them out to be... The only difference here is that I am forcing these thoughts onto other people by writing them down in this here blog thingy. Maybe "peering into the mind of Ian" isn't as much of a good trip as you thought eh??? What that in mind, I am going to make a phone call now and see where I stand...